You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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