I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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