hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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