I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
