You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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