he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
