For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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