You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Randomize
