Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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