i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
In America we eat man semen.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
