I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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