why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
