Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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