did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
