Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
