he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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