So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
