i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
