the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
