A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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