You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
