Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The power of my boobs compel you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
