No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
