He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
