in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize