I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
