Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
