i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
