How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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