Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
