Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
