i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
