I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
