apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
