Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I DEMAND FORESKIN
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize