i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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