I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
