Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
