fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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