Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
