I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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