i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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