those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
