Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
