someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
