Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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