what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
