Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
