I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
