I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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