Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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