remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
