life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
