New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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