I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
