my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
