Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Randomize
