What did we do last night that was yellow?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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