My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
