she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
