Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
