How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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