i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
