the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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