remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
